Hopeless

It has been extremely hard to stay motivated for this project; working 10-14 hours a day, 6 days a week has done all it could to erode my motivation. The heat and humidity, beating me down day after day, has done its best as well. But the thing that has really wore me thin, that has oppressed the fragile state of my well being, is where I work: black America. (And yes there is a difference between the America you know and black America)



When speaking of the prospects for black America, Dr. Cornell West says that, "we must delve into the depths where neither liberals nor conservatives dear to tread, namely, into the murky waters of despair and dread that now flood the streets of black America. To talk about depressing statistics of unemployment, infant mortality, incarceration, teenage pregnancy, and violent crime is one thing. But to face up to the monumental eclipse of hope, the unprecedented collapse of meaning, the incredible disregard for human (especially black) like and property in much of black America is something else."



Well I have taken off my straw hat and I have seen this "eclipse of hope", this "unprecedented collapse of meaning", this nihilism first hand. I dive into these "murky waters of despair" that are the streets of black America here in Richmond - and I fear I may be drowning.



It is hard for me to see, on a daily basis, this revolving door of hopelessness. Knowing that the people I interact with know just as well as I do that there is no way out of the "hood". They are stuck there. Forever. Inadequate education, no jobs, crime rates, racism - whatever the reason, there is no escaping.



How can I blame them for their apathy, their hopelessness when they know they will be forever shackled to these streets? It doesn't matter what they do - they can stumble the streets drunk before noon or they could work their life away and they will end up in the same place. And it is knowing this and experiencing it first-hand that gets me down.



It also validates what I am doing. Hopefully registering these heirs of despair is the first step in giving them a voice. The first step in giving them a chance to be represented. The first step in giving them a glimmer of hope - and it may be the most minute glimmers of hope, but hope nonetheless - in an otherwise hopeless world.



But I'm not looking for validation. I am looking for motivation. It is this hopelessness that has weighed me down that I need to use as motivation to lift my spirits. Easier said than done.