Hopeless

It has been extremely hard to stay motivated for this project; working 10-14 hours a day, 6 days a week has done all it could to erode my motivation. The heat and humidity, beating me down day after day, has done its best as well. But the thing that has really wore me thin, that has oppressed the fragile state of my well being, is where I work: black America. (And yes there is a difference between the America you know and black America)



When speaking of the prospects for black America, Dr. Cornell West says that, "we must delve into the depths where neither liberals nor conservatives dear to tread, namely, into the murky waters of despair and dread that now flood the streets of black America. To talk about depressing statistics of unemployment, infant mortality, incarceration, teenage pregnancy, and violent crime is one thing. But to face up to the monumental eclipse of hope, the unprecedented collapse of meaning, the incredible disregard for human (especially black) like and property in much of black America is something else."



Well I have taken off my straw hat and I have seen this "eclipse of hope", this "unprecedented collapse of meaning", this nihilism first hand. I dive into these "murky waters of despair" that are the streets of black America here in Richmond - and I fear I may be drowning.



It is hard for me to see, on a daily basis, this revolving door of hopelessness. Knowing that the people I interact with know just as well as I do that there is no way out of the "hood". They are stuck there. Forever. Inadequate education, no jobs, crime rates, racism - whatever the reason, there is no escaping.



How can I blame them for their apathy, their hopelessness when they know they will be forever shackled to these streets? It doesn't matter what they do - they can stumble the streets drunk before noon or they could work their life away and they will end up in the same place. And it is knowing this and experiencing it first-hand that gets me down.



It also validates what I am doing. Hopefully registering these heirs of despair is the first step in giving them a voice. The first step in giving them a chance to be represented. The first step in giving them a glimmer of hope - and it may be the most minute glimmers of hope, but hope nonetheless - in an otherwise hopeless world.



But I'm not looking for validation. I am looking for motivation. It is this hopelessness that has weighed me down that I need to use as motivation to lift my spirits. Easier said than done.

Tattoo

Look what I did:

The memories of my Pohnpei trip are starting to fade. It was the best experience of my life, but as I get busier and busier with CVP and my Peace Corps plans, the experience begins to fade into depths of my brain. I don't want it to be something I think about every now and then. I want to remember daily, forever. So to commemorate, to remind me of my trip I tattooed the emblem of the Pohnpei flag over my heart...Well the left side of my chest anyway.

The nine stars represent my family: Mom, Dad, Josh, Ashley, Shirley, Stefaney, Dylan, Tana, and me - the most important people in my life. An ode to my family.

Whew

...The one word to sum up my life since the last post...whew. It has been crazy! I've been working lllllllloooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg hours (14 a day) and not getting much sleep (FIFA 07 addiction). I'm working today on the 4th. Whew.

But it's all okay. It's all for the cause. I will have a significant impact on who is elected as the President of the United States of America. The Commander in Chief. Arguably the most powerful man in the world. Not only will I have an impact on something so significant, but I am also giving a voice to the voiceless. A word to the speechless. An identification to the invisible. I am getting some of the most disenfranchised people involved in the political process. Contrary to the "I's" in the previous sentences, it is not about me. It really isn't.

I like Richmond so far. It reminds me a lot of Detroit in that they are trying to renovate downtown and get people moved in. There is a lot more going on here than in Detroit; its Virginia's capital.

The people I am working with are amazing.

Wow...sorry, I had some momentum building, but I can't write anymore. I am too tired. More soon (don't hold me to that).

On the Road Again

…just can’t wait to get on the road again. The journey ahead:

1,661 miles. 25 miles. Yikes, bros.

I've decided to go to Richmond, VA. Richmond has two Community Voter's Project offices with high goals; I've never been to Richmond, so I figured why not? I really wanted to stay in Colorado, but it just didn't work out.

I'm not looking forward to the 3-day trip, but I can't wait to get to know a new city and new people. Wish me luck on my trip and I will update soon. Be on the lookout for PEACE CORPS news and pictures from Colorado.

Talk to you soon.

Bergen Peak

Today Josh, Liz, Aunt Jackie, and I climbed Bergen Peak. This hike was much better than last weeks; higher elevation change, tougher climb, better view. Those are the things I like most about hikes. It was about a 4 hour hike up past 9,000 feet. The climb was full of Aspens, Birch, and various evergreens.



These hikes have been fun, but I enjoyed my hikes in Hawai'i better. I guess I just like seeing the water! The other difference is that there are mountain bikers and horse back riders that you share the trail with here.

So, unfortunately, my time in Colorado may be coming to an end much sooner than I had expected. It is going to take ACORN at least another month before they get the numbers for Pueblo, so we can't even open our office until then.

So our (Josh and me) options:

• Stay in Colorado Springs and work out of this office until then. This is what we have been doing, but its tough to live at someone else's place. Cheyne is totally cool with it, but sleeping on a couch and not really having your own place to do your own things is a bit frustrating.
• Open an office with Josh. This would be in one of the following locations: Grand Rapids, MI; Hampton, VA. I really wanted to get away from Michigan - especially West Michigan. Obviously it would be nice to be really close to family and home, but I was trying to get away for a while. I don't know anything about Hampton really.
• I could go be an Assistant Director away from Josh in Philadelphia. I've always wanted to go to Philly, but it is so nice to be with Josh and have a lot of options as far as being outside and active. Not sure I'd get that chance in Philly.

I really want to stay in Colorado. The one glimmer of hope left is the fact that the people from the Boulder office left for VA, so it is possible that Josh and I could go knock out that office and then go down to Pueblo. I just want to be settled somewhere. Its tough being a vagabond. But it's the nature of the work. The reason that The Fund and NPO's have so many young people working for them is because it is imperative to be flexible and mobile. In the end, it's all for the cause. If I have to move, I have to move.

Happy Father's Day Dad!

Lots of love.

Resigned to the couch...

...again. Here Liz, here Josh - take the bed.

For and Against: Volume 5 - Colorado

For: White-Capped Mountains

Without a hint of protest, I've had to get used to living life against the back drop of the Rockie Mountains. Josh and I have been playing basketball after work and each time we've got to see the sun set behind Pike's Peak. No matter where I am, the mountains are always anchored to my west - it's a beautiful thing.

I went on a hike today with Josh, Aunt Jackie, and her friend at Deer Creek Canyon. At the top of the hike (7200 ft) was a stack of boulders that Josh and I climbed. From the top you could see Denver in front of you and pine-dressed mountains behind you. Peaking over the shoulder of the pines were the white caps of taller mountains. Unfortunately I couldn't get a good picture because they were too far in the distance.

Against: Lack of Lakes

So I took for granted the fact that no matter where I was in TC, I was always within 5 minutes of a lake. There aren't lakes here - just large ponds. Obviously I'm being facetious, but it's hard to be completely land locked. I noticed boats on a reservoir ("lake") and they literally drove back and forth from one end of the "lake" to the other. I thought it was funny and then realized that I miss the water! I will just have to settle for laying by the pool when I can. I will dread the days in dry Pueblo with the temps near 100. Yuck.